Tag Archives: Predictions

Premier League Preview: 5 Things

With another weekend of bombastic fixtures, the Premier League season is well and truly taking shape already.  

Number 5

Just over a month in, there have already been a handful of shocks and surprises. We take a look at five things we should know a little more about by the beginning of next week.

City Spurred back to winning ways?

Manchester City were a mite unfortunate not to take at least a point against West Ham last weekend, but coupled with a disappointing display against Juventus in Europe it placed some pressure on manager Manuel Pellegrini – you’re only ever two bad results from a crisis when fickle oil tycoons control your destiny!

An emphatic 4-1 League Cup spanking of whipping boys Sunderland was a timely reminder of how dangerous the Citizens can be when wounded. This weekend they face a Spurs team who crashed out of the same cup competition at home to fierce rivals Arsenal.

Tottenham have looked a shadow of their former selves so far this term, but with home advantage and their own burden to bear after the mid-week shambles, I expect them to respond with a decent home display.

Conclusion: Harry Kane to score early, as Spurs dig deep for a 1-1 draw at White Hart Lane.

Chelsea defeat = McClaren chop?

Wally with Brolly McClaren

Steve McClaren is a man under pressure only 8 matches into his reign as Newcastle manager. Of those only one has resulted in a win (against lowly Northampton Town in the League Cup), two draws and five defeats, the most recent of which was a humbling home reverse against Championship team Sheffield Wednesday.

Chelsea have been hit and miss (as has Diego Costa with his fists), but their 2-0 win against title rivals Arsenal last weekend provided evidence of a return to form. Despite the dough-faced Spanish striker’s rough house tactics, Jose Mourinho’s men were good value for the result.

A Newcastle defeat might be expected, but Mourinho has never won a match at St James’ Park, so it would be another unwelcome feather in McClaren’s already overloaded cap.

Conclusion: Newcastle have stepped up against the better sides they’ve faced, but their toothless team will have no joy today – Chelsea to win 3-1.

Brendan’s last bow?

Another manager under intense scrutiny is Brendan Rodgers at Liverpool. The affable Northern Irishman has never really recovered from losing star striker Luis Suarez to Barcelona just over a year ago.

On paper Aston Villa provide ideal opposition, having collected only one point from their past five league outings, but the Villains have previous at Anfield, collecting eight points from their last four visits to Merseyside.

Both teams will be desperate to pick up the win, and although on paper The Reds have a far superior group of players, they have yet to gel.

Conclusion: With Benteke seemingly unfit to take on his former club and Daniel Sturridge not match ready, Danny Ings will step up as his side sneak a priceless 2-1 win.

Foxes to finally lose against Arsenal?

Arsene Wenger Statue

Claudio Ranieri’s Foxes have been one of the surprise packages of the season, winning three and drawing three of their opening half a dozen fixtures.

In Jamie Vardy they have a forward brimming with confidence as they continually defy the odds to comeback late in games, their philosophy to outscore the opposition and hit them on the break.

Arsenal haven’t quite reached their apex, with the spotlight firmly placed on a lack of signings. Delectable approach play is too often undermined by profligate finishing… Why didn’t they go for Charlie Austin or Alexandre Lacazette?

Conclusion: Arsenal will click, and as long as their strikers are on song they’ll take three points back to North London: 2-1 away win.

Rooney to end goal drought?

He might be banging the cup goals in, and striking penalties home for England, but Wayne Rooney’s Premier League form has been lacklustre thus far, outshone by the dazzling potential of £40m+ teenage acquisition Anthony Martial.

True, Rooney is playing a number ten role, but he looks bereft of confidence when it comes to burying chances; Alan Shearer’s 260 goal EPL record appears ever more distant with each blank display.

Step up Sunderland, a team conceding goals by the bucket load. Although the Mackems have pigeon-brained Younes Kaboul suspended, the rest of their back-line isn’t much better, so if Rooney is going to break his duck he couldn’t have chosen a more fitting opponent.

Conclusion: United will ram home three goals, two from Rooney, as they complete a routine 3-0 rout.

Like the Kureen Facebook page, and we’ll attempt to keep the daily articles flowing!

Written by Dom Kureen

As a young rapscallion stranded on an Island, my time is split between writing, performing spoken word, wrestling alligators and delivering uplifting pep talks to hairdressers before they prune me. I meditate and wash daily when possible.

Premier Predictions: Round 10

Meg was certainly mystical in round 9, ending my two-match winning streak with a narrow 8-7 victory. This time I’m taking on one of the Midlands’ hottest young acting talents, and long-time suffering West Brom fan Dave Towns!

*All matches kick off at 15.00 on Saturday, May 2nd unless stated.

Leicester City vs Newcastle United
12.45, Saturday


Dom: 3-0
How different the landscape is from just over a month ago. Back then Leicester languished a full 17 points beneath Newcastle, but with a win here they would close the gap to just one, inflicting an eighth successive defeat on their fellow basement dwellers. That’s what will happen, as victory will see Foxes gaffer Nigel Pearson refrain from all talk of ostriches.

Les FerdinandDave: 3-0
Newcastle have been dragged into a relegation dogfight since Alan Pardew ditched the club to join the more ambitious Crystal Palace. Leicester manager Nigel Pearson went on an ostrich related rant during the press conference after his side’s 3-1 mid-week loss at Chelsea, but he’ll have more to smile about this time.

Aston Villa vs Everton

Dom: 3-2
Tim Sherwood has given Villa players and fans their belief back. Suddenly the erstwhile out of sorts Christian Benteke is once again a force to be reckoned with. Everton have gone on a blazing run of form recently, but are in mid-table limbo with Europa League ambitions, thus the Villains should prevail.

Paul McGrath

Dave: 2-0
Everton are already getting the sun cream out, whereas Villa are into squeaky-bum time. It’s now or never for Tim Sherwood’s improving side, and I can see Everton obliging by rolling over.

Liverpool vs Queens Park Rangers

Dom: 3-1
Brendan Rodgers has received plenty of flak for failing to build on last season’s success. Inflated transfer fees saw the £65m Luis Suarez windfall spent on the likes of Dejan Lovren and Mario Balotelli. Terrible travellers QPR are seemingly resigned to relegation.

Former Liverpool Football Club and Engla

Dave 1-2
This really is last chance saloon for The Hoops. Lose at the weekend and they might as well start planning for life in the Championship. Liverpool are dragging themselves over the finishing line like a dog with no hind legs, so don’t be surprised when Rangers take the points.

Sunderland vs Southampton

Dom: 1-1
Dick Advocaat’s impact on Sunderland has been negligible, despite yet another Tyne-Wear derby success. When 82 year-old Jermain Defoe, and (alleged) child molester Adam Johnson are your best players you’re in trouble. Saints have been brilliant all season, but the Mackems’ desperation will earn them a precious point.

Marian Pahars

Dave: 0-2
Southampton are playing with pride and remain in contention for a Europa League spot. Sunderland seem to be excited by the prospect of hosting Bristol City next season, a loss here could see them cut adrift of safety.

Swansea City vs Stoke City

Dom: 1-2
Swansea have reached a record 50 Premier League points in another excellent season, but Stoke have really impressed me this term, with Mark Hughes getting the best from a host of previously inconsistent players – the future is bright at the Britannia stadium.

Roberto Martinez

Dave: 0-0
This is the game that Tony Cottee will be watching for Sky Sports, and the former West Ham goal-sniffer is in for a long afternoon, with nothing set to happen in this for 90 minutes..other than the ref possibly dying from boredom.

West Ham United vs Burnley

Dom: 1-1
Burnley’s season has fizzled out, with Danny Ings’ dry spell seemingly consigning them to playing their football next season in the second tier, although the out of contract forward will have no trouble finding a new club. West Ham have similarly fallen off a cliff in recent months, expect a dissatisfying point apiece.

Leicester City programme Rio Ferdinand Steve Claridge

Dave: 0-1
Much like the Swansea/Stoke match this has snooze-fest written all over it… but a caveat will arrive when James Collins nets a blinding own goal in the 80th minute to provide three precious points for the Clarets!

Hull City vs Arsenal

Dom: 2-2
Two teams in decent form meet at the KC Stadium, and a point will be satisfying enough for both. Ultimately Hull won’t be relegated and Arsenal will easily qualify for the Champions League.

Thierry Henry sticker

Dave: 1-3
Hull’s good run is set to come to an end. Arsene Wenger will wear a massive coat and not notice anything apart from the penalty claim that the ref (correctly) turns down.

Manchester United vs West Brom
Saturday, 17.30

Dom: 3-1
United will be a force again next season, with such a vibrant second half to their campaign confirming that Van Gaal was certainly a shrewd appointment. West Brom are all but safe, so this loss won’t be of great consequence to their season.

William Prunier

Dave: 3-0
I never bet on West Brom, they always prove me wrong. Except this time, probably. Man United to come out of the blocks quickly and Pulis to have no plan B.

Chelsea vs Crystal Palace
Sunday, 13.30

Dom: 2-1
Chelsea have ground out some important results in recent weeks, a trait that looks set to continue with a narrow victory against Palace. With so many wild card players, the visitors are always good for a goal, although newly crowned PFA player of the year Eden Hazard should sparkle in the face of lumbering opposition defenders.

Dimitri Kharine

Dave: 2-0
Chelsea will seal the Premiership title at Stamford Bridge. The champagne will be flowing by half time and no-one will realise that make-weights Crystal Palace are even there.

Tottenham Hotspur vs Manchester City
Sunday, 16.00

Dom: 1-1
It’s a strangely transitional phase for both of these teams; Spurs have never fully reached their potential since selling Gareth Bale, while City overspent on mediocre players in the summer, and the likes of Toure and Kompany seem to be on the decline. A draw will sum up where they’re at.

Spurs

Dave: 1-4
Spurs tend to struggle against the top teams, particularly Manchester City. Despite Manuel Pellegrini clearly being on his way out, the visitors will have a field day against Tottenham’s high line, with Eric Dier in particular exposed.

Mystic Meg’s victory last weekend sees her slot into equal third in the Premier Predictions table, Kureen still leads guest pundits 66-62, with only a few weeks of the season remaining.

1. DJ Rees: 11 Points

2. Just Mike: 9

3= True Geordie: 8

3= Mystic Meg: 8

5. Dom Kureen: 7.33 (average)

6. Damian Clark: 7

7. Kelvin West: 6

8. Jonathan O’Shea: 5

9. Nightshade: 5

10. Rik Waller: 3

Written by Dom Kureen

As a young rapscallion stranded on an Island, my time is split between writing, performing spoken word, wrestling alligators and delivering uplifting pep talks to hairdressers before they prune me. I meditate and wash daily when possible.

Premier Predictions: Round 9.

Having comfortably vanquished the former Pop Idol stud Rik Waller by a score of 10-3 last time out, Dom Kureen this week takes on the psychic, oft’ psychotic might of Mystic Meg, a former National Lottery show staple – surely the most qualified predictor of the season.

Mystic Meg
*All matches kick off at 15.00 on Saturday 25th April unless stated otherwise.

Southampton vs Tottenham Hotspur
Saturday, 12.45

Dom: 2-1
Even without Fraser Forster in the net Saints are just about keeping things ticking along in their pursuit of a Europa League berth, and their home comforts should see them through to a narrow victory against a Spurs team for whom 30-goal Harry Kane continues to flourish.

Meg: 1-1
I see the number one playing a large part here, why is there a puddle under my seat? Tottenham have players who can bewilder and bewitch in the same breath, while their more southerly counterparts are punching above their weight. A tie seems apt, but wait – there’s a building burning nearby, I see humans and a dog… But this is about football, so I’ll quickly erase that image.

Burnley vs Leicester City

Leicester City

Dom: 1-2
Burnley are struggling to trouble the scorers, with biggest fish Danny Ings’ goal drought leaving them relying on the likes of Ashley Barnes for goals from midfield. Leicester’s own midfield dynamo, Esteban Cambiasso, has really stepped up in recent weeks, and a run of three successive victories has given the Foxes hope – they’ll continue to prosper on Saturday.

Meg: 0-0
Oh dear, I can envision fans falling asleep as two nervous sets of players see out a stalemate. The colour red shall be flashed on two occasions to break the malaise a little, but it will be a desperate afternoon which shall do little for either team.

Crystal Palace vs Hull City

Dom: 2-0
Hull are one of my tips for relegation. With a horrible run-in and miserable recent form, Steve Bruce’s Tigers cut an increasingly impotent figure. Jelavic has chipped in with 9 league goals, but the likes of Abel Hernandez have “expensive flop” written all over them. Pardew’s Palace suffered a setback at the hands of West Brom last weekend, but will return to form here.

Meg: 2-3
Oh my goodness, I just saw who shot Phil Mitchell back in 1998! I’m not sure if it was a YouTube repeat or a delayed message from my crystal ball; I’m an insomniac in the late stages of dementia, so I will go for 3-2 to the second team you said.

Newcastle United vs Swansea City

Dom: 1-1
Oh my sugary lemons, Newcastle are a club in turmoil. Six defeats on the trot at the inept hands of John Carver, an owner selling the best players and refusing to invest, fans staying away, and exaggerated attendances. The Toon might just scrape a valuable point to keep their heads above the parapet, especially if Siem De Jong returns.

Meg: 1-5
One Northern English squad, one from Wales. I see a lot of empty seats, a podgy northern man pretending to be a manager on the side-lines, and a Swansea team without a fit recognised striker notching 5 against their troubled opponents. I also see that the price of milk has risen to 66p in my local supermarket, disgusting.

Queens Park Rangers vs West Ham United

Dom: 2-0
QPR have shown signs of life in recent weeks, particularly in their 4-1 romp at West Brom, and are relying on Charlie Austin to continue his white-hot form. The Hammers have had their flip-flops on for months now, with calls for manager Sam Allardyce’s head. It’s no surprise as his team are currently rudderless, having been among the top 4 during December.

Meg: 2-2
I may sound like a lout when I say this, but come on yooooo Hammmas!!! We won the World Cup. 2-2 the prediction may be, but big Sam’s pearly street Gods will gain 52% possession. I see a 6 foot 5 inch Geordie donkey with a terrible ponytail being crocked in the stands as usual… no that can’t be right – Liverpool paid £36m and West Ham £17m for him? Damn crystal ball’s broken again.

Stoke City vs Sunderland

Adam Johnson

Dom: 2-1
The disturbing news for Sunderland is that star player and former England winger, Adam Johnson, has been charged with grooming an underage school girl for sex. Even Black Cats fans must surely condemn the player for what amounts to rape. The game itself will be played under a dark cloud, with in-form Stoke ensuring that the Mackems lurch deeper into the relegation mire.

Meg: 1-3
Disgusting scenes often perversely act as a catalyst for siege mentality, this will be the case with Sunderland. A terrible team now void of their best player, the poor relations of the North-East will smash and grab their way to victory over an impressive Stoke team, as former stable mates Peter Crouch and Jermain Defoe go head-to-head for the first time in years.

West Bromwich Albion vs Liverpool

Dom: 2-2
Liverpool’s away form is patchy to say the least. The result of this one will ultimately depend on which version of the Reds turn up to the Hawthorns. West Brom’s worrying sequence of defeats finally came to an end at Selhurst Park last weekend, with their shock win over Crystal Palace taking them to 36 points, probably just one or two short of safety.

Meg: 0-4
I see trees of green, red roses too. The red roses shall arrive for an Oscar worthy display from the travellers, who will arrive in their caravans and depart in sports cars that they stole from this most aesthetically appealing area of the Midlands. Brom have a new manager, and I predict that they will have blueprints for a new Tesco Express approved within the next 4 months.

Man City vs Aston Villa
17.30, Saturday

Dom: 2-1
City have had a peculiar and disappointing season. Their summer transfer signings have fallen flat, particularly the £32m acquisition of Mangala, a leaden footed central defender who should retire and become a WWE wrestler. Villa’s progress to the FA Cup final gave their long suffering fans something to cherish from a wretched season, and the return to form of star striker Christian Benteke will see them safe with something to spare.

Meg: 1-2
Oh what’s this? A bunch of oiks who celebrate victory as if they’ve just spent the night with Brooke Shields, and defeats by grumbling into their pillows – oh it must be an Aston Villa match! A big Belgian will score two by shrugging off an out of form Belgian defender as the away fans gush freely into their underpants, but this is between two English teams… That seems all kinds of wrong.

Everton v Manchester United
Sunday, 13.30

Dom: 1-3
Everton are on a roll; with all fears of relegation out of the way they can now focus on winning the Europa League, for which they would be rewarded with a Champions League spot. Taking a more conventional method of qualification for the elite club comp are Man United, who were very unfortunate to lose 1-0 at Stamford Bridge last time out. With Rooney, Mata and Herrera in scintillating form and Toffees minds elsewhere this has a whiff of away win.

Meg: 4-2
I am a lady of rich tastes – I drink sparkling camel milk, I wash my hair with pumpkin dust, and I predict 4-2 home wins. That is the power of Meg.

Arsenal vs Chelsea
Sunday, 16.00

Santi Cazorla

Dom: 2-1
Last weekend was  an excellent one for both sides; Chelsea all but sewed up the league by sneaking victory over Manchester United, while Arsenal qualified for the FA Cup final via an extra time success over Reading. With Alexis Sanchez back to his best Arsenal will fancy their chances of turning over the champions-elect.

Meg: 0-0
Oh deary me, horses and women? Oh gosh that’s an impressive girth – like my fourth husband or Jeremy Beadle’s special hand (bless his soul.) The game’s highlight shall be a 72 year-old mystic lady streaking across the field with her bosoms flapping in the wind like out of control beagle ears – thank you for the ticket Mr Terry, and thank you for last night!

Another good result for the home team means that Dom leapfrogs Damian Clark for a spot in the top four, with Rik Waller flaccidly drooping at the foot of the table, Kureen in the process taking an overall lead of 59-54 against guest pundits.

1. DJ Rees: 11 Points

2. Just Mike: 9

3. True Geordie: 8

4. Dom Kureen: 7.38 (average)

5. Damian Clark: 7

6. Kelvin West: 6

7. Jonathan O’Shea: 5

8. Nightshade: 5

9. Rik Waller: 3

Written by Dom Kureen

As a young rapscallion stranded on an Island, my time is split between writing, performing spoken word, wrestling alligators and delivering uplifting pep talks to hairdressers before they prune me. I meditate and wash daily when possible.

Premier Predictions: Week 8.

Last time out Dom comfortably overcame the might of former UK Gladiator Nightshade, winning by a personal high 10 points to 5. This time he takes on the wit and wisdom of ex-Pop Idol Rik Waller, hoping to make it back-to-back victories.

Rik Waller

*A correct outcome gains one point, an exact result three points. All games kick off at 3pm on Saturday 14th March unless stated.

Crystal Palace vs Queens Park Rangers
Kick-off: 12.45, Saturday

Bobby Zamora

Dom: 2-0
Alan Pardew must be on cloud nine; a few months ago he was being booed by his own fans as Newcastle United manager, now his name is sung from the Selhurst Park terraces, and with good reason. Pards has revitalised his old team, and they’ll slam another nail into the QPR coffin this afternoon.

Rik: 1-1
Hulk Hogan! Now that I have your attention I have a gig next month in collaboration with an Isle of Wight artist called Jonty not Bonty (his real name is Jonty Chodeflap, hence the change!) – with half a dozen people now tolerating his existence, and my three supporters “livin’ it large” we hope to at least account for five of the seats in the Dog and Duck pub in Fratton this time without getting heckled off the stage before we get to our third ballad!

Arsenal vs West Ham United

Dom: 3-1
The Hammers have reverted to last season’s tactics of drilling the ball long at every opportunity, this despite Andy Carroll once again being on the sidelines. Big Sam looks like he’s out of ideas, just as Arsenal’s league form appears to be gaining consistency – wrong time, wrong place for The Irons.

Rik: 10-2
During my last set of night terrors, Nasty Nigel seemed to be barking “ten two, ten two” at me, in hindsight it may have been Auntie Joan leaving a message about the time, oh wait wasn’t I supposed to scrub her shoulders in the tub around that time? Never mind, I’m stuck with the prediction now – just my luck.

Leicester City vs Hull City

Hull City

Dom: 2-2
A draw doesn’t really help either of these basement dwellers, but seems the logical result. The Foxes have played quite well recently, just lacking bite in the final third. Hull are hit and miss; a frustrating 90 minutes at the King Power Stadium will encapsulate their season.

Rik: Abandoned (Bomb Threat.)
All my life I was told what I can’t do; “You can’t sell your teeth to the Science Museum in London Rik”… “You can’t wear a cape to the Job Centre”…  Well screw you mother, I will go for a 6-1 win for the Lancashire Hot Pots, either that or I’ll call in a bomb threat, do we get extra points for that?

Sunderland vs Aston Villa

Dom: 0-1
Spare a thought for the supporters of these two sides, who have been subjected to the ugliest football in the division. Worse still, Black Cats star man Adam Johnson was recently arrested on charges of sex with a minor, meaning he could miss a chunk of games even if found innocent, something that would spell disaster for the Mackems.

Rik: 1-0
With Benteke and Johnson probably sitting this one out both sides are without their main sources of creativity, or at least that’s what I read on Ceefax. Benteke is one funny name though, doesn’t sound like he’s from Aston at all, so come on Sunders.

West Bromwich Albion vs Stoke City

Dom: 2-1
A last gasp defeat to bitter rivals Aston Villa in their previous league encounter dampened some of the enthusiasm surrounding Tony Pulis’ appointment and subsequent upturn in fortunes. No problem, the Baggies will return to winning ways against Stoke, virtually guaranteeing safety in the process.

Rik: 2-5
Stoke have found a second wind lately, I thought I’d found a second wind with the old singing lark recently, but it was just a very tuneful burp. Stokers to win in some good style – go the young’uns!

Burnley vs Manchester City
Saturday, 17.30

Dom: 1-3
Manchester City’s title aspirations are surely dwindling; Chelsea will open up an 8-point lead if they win their game in hand. Burnley are still in the midst of a relegation scrap, with their small squad beginning to wilt in recent weeks. City should romp home.

Rik: 4-0
Man City are getting what they deserve. As I once told Simon Cowell; money can’t buy you everything, certainly not class anyway. City are going to get trounced! Let us make it trend: #cityisbadinfootballl!

Chelsea vs Southampton
Sunday, 13.30

John Terry

Dom: 3-1
The Blues will be gagging to put things right after their embarrassing Champions League exit at the hands of Paris Saint Germain on Wednesday, where their players acted like infants to get Zlatan Ibrahimovic sent off. Saints’ form is hit and miss at the moment, so despite their excellent league position they’ll struggle at Stamford Bridge.

Rik: 1-0
I used to know a lad from Southampton, Dave something. Anyway very funny story about Dave; so Dave owned a bicycle and he forgot to tie it up and someone did away with it. The sad thing is that Dave was never the same after that, never really spoke much and always sitting in golf course bunkers with his middle fingers raised defiantly. Funny how everyone knows a Dave right?!

Everton vs Newcastle United
Sunday, 16.00

Dom: 2-0
Everton’s Europa League exertions on Thursday may have offered a pleasant distraction, but their domestic form is cause for concern, with the Toffees sitting only six points above the drop zone. Newcastle have given up on their season (again) and with a dozen injuries and Papiss Cisse’s lengthy ban to boot it’s hard to see where the goals will come from.

Rik: 0-0-1?
0-0 looks like a shocked face when you write it! Or maybe something else like ring doughnuts (num num!) I read the form guide and these two teams are not so good, so no goals for the two teams and maybe just the one for the ball boys or some American tourists. One lump or two? 0-0-1.

Manchester United vs Tottenham Hotspur
Sunday, 16.00

Harry Kane Adebayor

Dom: 2-2
I’m not convinced that either side has a defence worthy of Champions League football, but both possess talented attackers. Spurs’ Harry Kane in particular is fresh from two consecutive player of the month awards. Kane will score again, but Rooney’s due a couple.

Rik: 0-0 5-6
I’m torn between 0-0 and 5-6, they both seem like the obvious outcome when you add up corner kicks and divide them by numbers. Ok, my therapist said be decisive: 5-6. Linekar with 2 and Gazza to cry tears of joy again. As for Cantona, let’s just hope he doesn’t punch all of the fans again!

Swansea vs Liverpool
Monday, 20.00

Dom: 1-2
Swansea’s home form has been decent this term and Liverpool have lost a few away, but where The Reds appear to be getting stronger with each league match, their Welsh counterparts are just bubbling along contentedly in mid-table, and will have no answer to Raheem Sterling’s pace and trickery.

Rik: 3-0 for Anne
Swans in the sea or Liver in a pool? It all sounds eerily familiar to a wonderful meal I had under the stars one evening – my Tinder date ‘Anne’ didn’t show up, but funnily enough there was another Anne with exactly the same face, height, blood type (O Negative, as in “Oh she’s so negative!) and whose phone’s screen saver was the same photo-shopped profile pic I’d used on the app (Jared Leto’s face with Jared Leto’s body and my hair.) 3-0 it is, but only for for Anne.

The Premier Predictions league table is still led by DJ Rees. Dom’s win last time means that he goes level with Damian Clark, as Nightshade brings up the rear.

1. DJ Rees: 11 Points

2. Just Mike: 9

3. True Geordie: 8

4= Damian Clark: 7

4= Dom Kureen: 7 (average)

6. Kelvin West: 6

7. Jonathan O’Shea: 5

8. Nightshade: 5

Written by Dom Kureen

As a young rapscallion stranded on an Island, my time is split between writing, performing spoken word, wrestling alligators and delivering uplifting pep talks to hairdressers before they prune me. I meditate and wash daily when possible.

Premier Predictions: Part 7.

Welcome to the seventh edition of Premier Predictions, with Dom Kureen this time taking on the might of former UK Gladiator ‘Nightshade’, aka Judy Smith.

Gladiators

Last time out Damian Clark beat Dom 7-3, moving fourth in the table in the process.

*A correct outcome gains one point, an exact result three points. All games kick off at 3pm on Saturday 1st March unless stated.

West Ham United vs Crystal Palace
Kick-Off: 12.45, SaturdayCrystal Palace

Dom: 1-3
Hammers fans are far from happy, with seven draws in eleven games ensuring a plummet down the table, as well as a disappointing cup exit. Going into some tricky fixtures they’ll target a win here. Unfortunately for ‘big Sam’ and his motley crew, Palace are rejuvenated under Alan Pardew – they’ll win with something to spare.

Nightshade: 3-3
Who knows? West Ham are out of steam, Palace have a perfect away record under Pardew. Lots of goals, lots of errors and some disgruntled home fans!

Burnley vs Swansea

Dom: 2-1
The Clarets don’t know when they’re beaten, and despite receiving a season’s worth of good fortune in their excellent draw at Chelsea, morale should be high at Turf Moor, they’ll need it to see off a fading Swansea team.

Nightshade: 0-2
Burnley were very lucky last week, this time they’ll come back down to earth with a bump, Danny Ings can’t score every week, and Bafe Gomis is due a goal for the Swans.

Manchester United vs Sunderland

Dom: 4-2
Sunderland are starting to look stale under Gus Poyet, despite protestations to the contrary from players. United are hardly storming along, but their attacking prowess will inflict yet more suffering on Black Cat supporters.

Nightshade: 1-0
United are so up and down that I’ve decided to go for a tight home win, although I could just as well have rolled a couple of dice with these two teams.

Newcastle vs Aston VillaGabriel Obertan

Dom: 1-1
Terrible teams alert! Villa have been horrendous for a long time, while Newcastle are virtually unwatchable under the leadership of interim gaffer John ‘Charver’, a man with all of the tactical nous of an inebriated 12 year-old playing Football Manager on his brother’s PC.

Nightshade: 0-1
Newcastle are so bad under Carver that defeats seem the logical prediction virtually every week that he’s their head coach. Tim Sherwood should get a good response from his troops after last week’s disappointing 2-1 home reverse against Stoke.

Stoke City vs Hull City

Dom: 2-1
Stoke are all but safe after their triumph at Villa Park last time out, one more win will secure their top-flight status for another year. They should beat a Hull team capable of upsetting the best, but their inconsistency will haunt them here.

Nightshade: 0-4
One outrageous prediction for me! Hull are the kind of team who can produce brilliance on rare occasions; I’m banking on them doing it at the Britannia Stadium – come on you Tigers!

West Bromwich Albion vs Southampton

Dom: 1-2
Saints’ defence for once looked leaden footed when they were beaten 2-0 by Liverpool last Saturday. They should bounce back at the Hawthorns, despite the Baggies’ vast improvement since Tony Pulis’ appointment.

Nightshade: 1-1
Tony Pulis and West Brom looks like a marriage made in heaven. A point at home against an excellent Southampton team should provide further proof that the Baggies are destined to beat the drop this term.

Liverpool vs Manchester City
12.00, SundayMan City

Dom: 1-3
A home defeat against Barcelona exposed City’s flaws in certain areas – is James Milner really good enough to start those kind of matches? Liverpool are no Barca though, and despite improving in recent weeks they’ll disappoint their fans tomorrow.

Nightshade: 2-1
City followed a 5-0 hammering of Newcastle with a 2-1 home defeat against Barcelona. Liverpool, also in decent domestic form and poor in Europe, will kill off Pellegrini’s title tilt, ultimately costing the Chilean his job at the end of the campaign.

Arsenal vs Everton
14.05, Sunday

Dom: 2-0
Arsenal were woeful in Europe in mid-week, smashed 3-1 by Monaco in front of their own fans. Everton on the other hand are doing rather well in the Europa League, but suffering a terrible run in the league – all of this points to a Gunners home win, and then some serious work to do in their second leg in France.

Nightshade: 2-2
“Come in Mr Wenger, your time is up!” Despite being a revolutionary Premier League manager, Monsieur Wenger has a team that are treading treacle. With morale on the floor, this is an optimum time for the Toffees to take a point at the Emirates.

Chelsea vs Tottenham Hotspur (League Cup)
16.00, Sunday (Double points game)Eden Hazard

Dom: 2-1 aet
Spurs have developed one of this season’s revelations in the shape of Harry Kane. A gem of a striker, he’ll nab another goal to take this one to extra time, but Chelsea will find another gear to seal silverware before focusing on more pressing matters.

Nightshade: 2-4
Tottenham destroyed Chelsea earlier this season, 5-3 at White Hart Lane. They will do that again here; a hat-trick for Eriksen and one more for Kane. Silverware for Spurs!

The Premier Predictions league table is still led by DJ Rees. Dom’s defeat last time means that he slumps into the bottom half of the table, while Damian Clark sits in mid-table, having secured a comfortable victory.

1. DJ Rees: 11 Points

2. Just Mike: 9

3. True Geordie: 8

4. Damian Clark: 7

5. Dom Kureen: 6.50 (average)

6. Kelvin West: 6

7. Jonathan O’Shea: 5

Written by Dom Kureen

As a young rapscallion stranded on an Island, my time is split between writing, performing spoken word, wrestling alligators and delivering uplifting pep talks to hairdressers before they prune me. I meditate and wash daily when possible.

Premier Predictions: Week 6.

Dom Kureen experienced his first victory of the season on Boxing Day, defeating legendary soccer utility player Jonathan O’Shea by 7 points to 5 by predicting seven correct outcomes without an exact result.

Fingers Crossed

Now on a roll, the home predictor takes on Hollister CEO, former Torquay United youth team winger and devout Manchester United supporter Damian Clark – a man who resembles a youthful Lewis Hamilton.

*A correct outcome gains one point, an exact result three points. All games kick off at 3pm on 28th December unless stated.

Tottenham Hotspur vs Manchester United
Sunday, 12.00

15642382199_f249bf8d16_o

Dom: 2-2
Two teams that score and concede freely should contest an open, attractive match at White Hart Lane. Harry Kane is this season’s undisputed champion of scuffed strikes that somehow find the net. Man United will be boosted by the return of Luke Shaw, and with Falcao, Rooney and Van Persie all hitting their stride, a draw seems about right.

DC: 1-2
Harry Kane’s impressive form looks set to continue for Spurs, but with the home team’s lacklustre defence, United’s attacking power will make the difference on the day. The Red Devils have an outstanding record at White Hart Lane and Van Gaal will want maximum points to keep their faint title hopes alive.

Southampton vs Chelsea
Sunday, 14.05

Dom: 1-3
Saints have been miserable against the league’s elite, usually losing by a few goals. Chelsea seem to have swiftly recovered from their only defeat of the season against Newcastle, with captain John Terry inspiring a quartet of victories since. JT might not trouble the scorers this time, but Diego Costa is worth backing to net a couple.

DC: 1-1
Southampton have rekindled the form that propelled them towards the top of the table, highlighted by the excellent win against Crystal Palace that ultimately cost Neil Warnock his job. Mourinho’s troops have ridden their luck at times – this could be the day that it catches up with them.

Aston Villa vs Sunderland

Dom: 2-1
Two middling teams seeking retribution for Boxing Day losses. It was the Mackems’ 3-1 home reverse to struggling Hull City that will have hurt the most, deflating most of the positive kudos that a 1-0 Tyne-Wear derby victory had brought previously. Benteke’s presence should give the Villains the edge in what promises to be the bowling shoe ugly encounter of the day.

DC: 2-2
Benteke’s goals have been priceless for the Midlands side, and with Sunderland not getting the rub of the green against Hull to suffer defeat despite playing well, it makes for an evenly contested, open game of football.

Hull City vs Leicester City

Kasper Schmeichel

Dom: 2-1
The Tigers’ away win at the Stadium of Light was priceless, and perhaps a major reason why gaffer Steve Bruce didn’t join Neil Warnock in receiving his P45. Neither team exactly screams confidence. Leonardo Ulloa looked back to somewhere near his best against Spurs, unfortunately for The Foxes he alone can’t stop the rot.

DC: 2-0
Nigel Pearson and Leicester’s miserable run will continue at the KC Stadium. The transfer window needs to be used wisely if they want to avoid being cut off from the rest of the division. Hull will feel confident of another three points to pull them away from the drop zone.

Manchester City vs Burnley

Dom: 4-0
Man City have been irresistible since opting to use the Spanish Euro 2012 tactics of playing without a striker. The Burnley defenders are barely equipped to stop James Milner, let alone the likes of Navas, Silva and Yaya Toure. Danny Ings has real quality about him, but won’t get the service to make a difference today.

DC: 3-0
David Silva is likely to get on the score sheet again, the diminutive Spanish international looks to be in menacing form. Burnley will need to be at their very best for 90 minutes and hope that one or two City players take them lightly if they’re to salvage anything from this game.

Queens Park Rangers vs Crystal Palace

Dom: 4-1
There seemed little logic to booting out the stale Neil Warnock during such a hectic period of the season, other than if Palace have somebody lined up (which it doesn’t seem like they do.) Harry’s Hoops have been dynamic at Loftus Road, with Charlie Austin filling his boots, the former Poole City striker will enjoy facing this dishevelled bunch.

DC: 1-1
With Warnock’s departure just over 24 hours ago, Palace will be hoping for a fresh start, and there’s no better way to achieve that than by beating fellow relegation battlers in this London derby. QPR have been in good nick recently and will need to maintain that to gain a point against a rejuvenated Palace.

Stoke City vs West Bromwich Albion

Berahino

Dom: 1-0
Stoke have reverted to type recently, utilising Peter Crouch as a loan target man, with the lightning footwork of Victor Moses and Bojan Krkic either side. The Baggies are quite an industrious team, but could really use a Bojan of their own to take some of the offensive burden from the shoulders of reportedly Tottenham-bound Saido Berahino.

DC: 1-0
With Stoke’s organisation at the back and the flair of Bojan, who seems to have finally found his feet after years of European under achievement, they will be too strong for a West Brom team whose manager’s future is in the balance. Berahino’s goals have dried up, as has the visitors’ creativity around the penalty area.

West Ham United vs Arsenal

Dom: 2-1
Andy Carroll and co. will fancy their chances against a depleted Gunners defence, who were forced to slot left-back Nacho Monreal into a central defensive role against QPR a couple of days ago. Olivier Giroud’s senseless red card stretches Arsenal’s reduced ranks further; despite putting in a decent shift I can see them being out muscled in this one.

DC: 1-3
A tough London derby, with both teams battling it out for Champions League qualification. Carroll will be in the mood to pile some post-Christmas misery upon Arsenal, but with Sanchez in mesmeric form it will be the visitors who hold out for three crucial points.

Newcastle United vs Everton
Sunday, 16.15

Dom: 1-1
A bizarre campaign thus far for Newcastle has recently witnessed six victories on the spin followed by four consecutive defeats. Ayoze Perez is a real find and the only Toon player to shine during Friday’s defeat at Old Trafford. Everton’s home reverse at the hands of Stoke was yet another blip in a soul sapping season – two side who need a win will have to settle for a point.

DC: 1-1
Two teams who could have mixed fortunes this season. Everton are yet to hit the standards set last season and Newcastle’s inconsistency has cost them in recent weeks. This one has draw written all over it.

Liverpool vs Swansea City
Monday, 20.00

Raheem Sterling

Dom: 3-1
Liverpool scraped a one goal win at Turf Moor on Friday, having gained a last-gasp point against Arsenal the previous weekend. It seems as if the Reds are picking up momentum, with Raheem Sterling leading from the front. Swansea aren’t great travellers and despite Bony’s presence they’ll succumb to the home side’s new found spirit.

DC: 1-1
Liverpool’s lacklustre summer transfer dealings have hurt them this season. With Luis Suarez sold, Mario Balotelli, Rickie Lambert and Daniel Sturridge have barely troubled the scorers. As a result Brendan Rodgers  has been forced to switch Sterling to a central role.  Victory for Swansea will see them climb six points above their hosts in what has been a steady season for Garry Monk’s charges thus far.

The Premier Predictions league table is still led by DJ Rees. Dom’s win means that he now resides in mid-table, while Jonathan O’Shea is unfortunate to bring up the rear, having been the victim of a spate of underdog victories during Boxing Day’s matches.

1. DJ Rees: 11 Points

2. Just Mike: 9

3. True Geordie: 8

4. Dom Kureen: 7.20 (average)

5. Kelvin West: 6

6. Jonathan O’Shea: 5

Written by Dom Kureen

As a young rapscallion stranded on an Island, my time is split between writing, performing spoken word, wrestling alligators and delivering uplifting pep talks to hairdressers before they prune me. I meditate and wash daily when possible.

Premier Predictions. Week Five

Another sticky week for Dom Kureen saw him defeated 6-4 by actor/muso Kelvin West. Surely the current rut can’t last for much longer, with a packed Christmas Premier League schedule allowing ample opportunity for a renaissance.

Pink Ganesh

In this Boxing Day instalment of Premier Predictions, Dom takes on the might of music journalist, youth educator and former Irish footballer Jonathan O’Shea, a man who speaks 14 languages fluently, three of them Flemish.

*All Boxing Day fixtures kick off at 3pm unless stated.

Chelsea vs West Ham United
Kick Off: 12.45pm

John Terry

Dom: 2-1
Chelsea were effortlessly impressive at Stoke during a 2-0 victory last weekend, with evergreen John Terry scooping man of the match honours. West Ham should provide a more arduous proposition, with main man Andy Carroll at last finding his feet (and fitness). The lanky sick note should give Terry and Cahill a headache, but the Hammers will exit empty handed.

Jon: 2-1
A blood-and-thunder East v West clash of cultures is on the cards at the Bridge. Big Fat Sam may have ‘diversified the brand’ this season, but will primarily concentrate on using his multiple big units to go toe-to-toe with Chelsea’s own beasts (Ivanovic, Matic, Diego Costa, et al). A win will keep Chelsea clear at the top and (come May) the Hammers can clinch a Europa League spot.

Burnley vs Liverpool

Dom: 1-2
Martin Skrtel’s 97th minute point salvager against Arsenal felt significant for the Reds. Unfortunate not to win on the day, Brendan Rodgers will view Burnley as the match where his team can place short-term crisis talks to bed. Clarets’ star man Danny Ings is always lively; the young striker could conceivably trade Turf Moor for Anfield next month.

Jon:  1-1
Will Danny Ings still be around by the end of January? Will Brendan Rodgers? I reckon the former will net a late equaliser to once again undermine the latter’s floundering attempts to rescue Liverpool’s stalled season. A vitally important transfer window awaits both sides.

Crystal Palace vs Southampton

Dom: 2-2
The Eagles are among a crop of unpredictable teams in the top-flight this term. On one hand they have bucket loads of flair in wide positions, on the other they lack any form of legit front man (Fraizer Campbell doesn’t count.) Saints were back to their best with a 3-0 slaying of Everton last week, but they’re never as penetrating on their travels. A point apiece.

Jon: 0-2
Palace, as their curiously-coiffed gaffer freely admits, are desperately short up front. The Saints, meanwhile, have many expensively-acquired forward options and can also cherry- pick fresh prospects, such as the impressive Harrison Reed, from their fantastic academy as and when they wish. Ronald Koeman is notoriously level-headed and will stay patient while his side grind out the win.

Everton vs Stoke City

Lego Robot Dance

Dom: 2-1
The Europa League has clearly affected Everton, with half of their summer acquisitions loan deals made permanent, inevitably that policy can promote stagnation. Worse still, key duo Romelu Lukaku and Gareth Barry have been far less effective since becoming full-time Toffees. Stoke are destined for a lower-mid table finish, remaining adjacent to the bottom feeders after this narrow defeat.

Jon: 2-1
It’s been a tough term on both sides of Stanley Park. Despite bringing the old gang back together (loanees Barry and Lukaku signing permanent deals in the summer), Everton have regressed. The Toffees real strength, as anyone will tell you though, lies in the wide areas – one of their flying full-backs will spring to the rescue here with a characteristic late penalty-box surge.

Leicester City vs Tottenham Hotspur

Dom: 1-3
Nigel Pearson currently resembles a toddler padding through quick sand, resorting to the same stale tactics and clichéd post-match diatribe week after week. His is a glorified Championship team, who despite early season promise are, by a distance, the puniest collective in the division. The Foxes will be totally overrun by an improving Spurs side – for whom Christian Eriksen has been a revelation.

Jon: 0-0
Freakish free-for-alls apart (the dreamlike 5-3 thumping of United) Leicester have struggled to create and score. Consistency, for Spurs, continues to be more elusive than Twitter fiend Joey Barton’s sense of hypocrisy. Erik Lamela brings to mind early-United era Cristiano Ronaldo: all slickness but little substance, while Christian Eriksen is the real deal and Harry Kane shows promise, but they still lack a killer instinct.

Manchester United vs Newcastle United

Newcastle Manchester United

Dom: 3-0
If this fixture had been played a month ago Newcastle might have fancied their chances. Since then Louis Van Gaal’s side have stumbled upon some consistency, in no small part aided by the return of Michael Carrick. The Toon have an injury crisis that threatens to suck them back into trouble – they should be fine once a few of the better players return, but until then it could be onerous for fans.

Jon: 4-2
Falcao’s Villa Park equaliser last week should be an ominous sign for the other Champions League chasers – with RVP back in full flow, United now possess the most deadly striking unit in the PL. Newcastle left the (Gallow)gate open while chasing an overdue derby win last week and suffered another bitter defeat by the merciless Mackems. Defensive frailties abound here, so expect six goals as a minimum.

Sunderland vs Hull City

Dom: 0-0
The Mackems won the Tyne-Wear derby in the dying throes on Sunday, as their Geordie hosts overplayed gung-ho when seeking a late winner, that was only Sunderland’s third league victory in 17 matches thus far. With both teams averaging less than one goal per game this has the potential to have all the hard hitting action of Pip Schofield interrogating Pudsey Bear.

Jon: 1-0
Having grown tired of ties, Sunderland finally seized the day against their reviled rivals and the sublimely talented Adam Johnson was the hero once more. Top scorer Stephen Fletcher will be the difference in this hugely important game for ex-Mackem manager Steve Bruce. Hull will have to get busy in the January window if they want to stay afloat (for evidence that Tigers can float, check out ‘Life of Pi’)

Swansea City vs Aston Villa

Wilfried Bony

Dom: 3-2
The overturning of slack jawed speed merchant Gabby Agbonlahor’s unwarranted red card against Manchester United provides a boost for Paul Lambert, who must envisage the former England forward’s presence alongside Christian Benteke as a key component of the Villains’ blueprint. Swansea love playing on their own ground and Wilfried Bony will fancy his chances against a ponderous Villa defence.

Jon: 0-6 1-1
Big boys Bony and Benteke will share the spoils here, after Villa customarily cede 79% of possession and hope to nick 0.4 of a goal on the break. Delph and Sanchez will provide some serious steel in midfield. By contrast, the Swans’ Gary Monk sets out to play keep-ball in every eventuality and has been richly rewarded by a high-flying start to the season.

West Bromwich Albion vs Manchester City

Dom: 0-2
The Baggies don’t often suffer heavy defeats, but have the stodgiest midfield in the top-tier, burdened by unimaginative workhorses. In the absence of Sergio Aguero the likes of David Silva and Jesus Navas have come to the party for City, who will leave the Hawthorns with three more precious points.

Jon: 2-3
Striker-less City were a joy to behold once they took the upper hand last week; with David Silva, Jesus Navas and Yaya Toure sparking off their unlikely foil, the ever-versatile James Milner. They’ll score again in the absence of Aguero & co, because West Brom are flakier than filo. Saido Berahino can edge back to form with another eye-catching display against a PL big gun, but alas no post-Chrimbo cigar.

Arsenal vs Queens Park Rangers
Kick Off: 17.30

Mathieu Debuchy

Dom: 3-1
Matthieu Debuchy turned from hero to villain last week, the right-back cum centre-half scoring his first Gunners goal to level matters at Anfield, followed by ludicrous marking that allowed Martin Skrtel to bullet home the latest of late equalisers. In 11-goal Charlie Austin Rangers boast a striker with the ability to disturb any makeshift defence, although without a single point on their travels and with the ancient Clint Hill/Richard Dunne in situ they’ll concede a few too.

Jon: 3-1
Expect: Arsenal to revert to swashbuckling type back at home, after travails on their travels. Wenger’s boys barely deserved to return with a point from Anfield but nearly snatched all three – QPR always shrivel away from Loftus Road’s tight confines though. Don’t expect: Sky’s Thierry Henry to make a brief cameo with a last minute handballed winner for the Gunners.

After four editions of Premier Predictions DJ Rees remains the front runner, with Dom just ahead of Kelvin West, despite him suffering 6-4 loss in their head-to-head!

1. DJ Rees: 11 points

2. Just Mike: 9

3. True Geordie: 8

4. Dom: 7.25 (average points scored)

5. Kelvin West: 6

 

Think that you can do better? Get in touch and you could be part of Premier Predictions in 2015!

Written by Dom Kureen

As a young rapscallion stranded on an Island, my time is split between writing, performing spoken word, wrestling alligators and delivering uplifting pep talks to hairdressers before they prune me. I meditate and wash daily when possible.

Premier Predictions: Round Four

Last weekend Dom Kureen secured a second successive tie in the third instalment of Premier Predictions, ending all square at 9-9 with internet super stud The True Geordie.

Uri Geller: Predicted every score at the World Cup only weeks after it was over.
Uri Geller: Predicted every score at the World Cup only weeks after it was over.

This weekend it’s the turn of blues singer/guitarist and Liverpool buff, Kelvin West, a mainstay of Greece’s two premier practitioners of the genre, Nick and The Backbone and Blueswire.

*All matches kick off at 3pm, Saturday unless otherwise specified.

Manchester City vs Crystal Palace

Dom: 3-1
The Eagles are no pushovers under Neil Warnock and in the shape of Yannick Bolasie possess one of the season’s most unpredictable, captivating attackers. City are on such a roll that it’s difficult to see them dropping points at home to the relegation battlers and they should experience a comfortable afternoon.

KW: 2-0
Comfortable home win for City even with some of their top stars absent through injury. Neil Warnock is doing a good job at Palace, but the Champions will be too strong at the Etihad.

Aston Villa vs Manchester United

David De Gea: Imagine how many clean sheets he could keep with a half decent defence.
David De Gea: Imagine how many clean sheets he could keep with a half decent defence.

Dom: 1-2
United appear to have rediscovered the happy knack of winning ugly under Louis Van Gaal, with their potent strike force and exceptional goalkeeper leading the way. Although Aston Villa are a different proposition with Benteke fit, they still won’t be able to hold off their in-form opponents.

KW: 2-2
Villa have been much improved recently, with the return of Benteke and Agbonlahor likely to give United’s makeshift defence some problems, but with Van Persie looking like his old self and confidence high among Van Gaal’s squad I think a draw is on the cards.

Hull City vs Swansea

Dom: 1-0
Hull’s woeful recent form has been compounded by the premature termination of Hatem Ben-Arfa’s (disastrous) loan spell from Newcastle. The Swans aren’t the best travellers though and will succumb to Steve Bruce’s men, who should just have enough to secure a much needed success.

KW: 1-2
Hull are struggling and Swansea are looking better after an indifferent patch of form. Wilfried Bony is always a danger and will have too much movement for a somewhat static Hull defence who have been shipping goals aplenty recently.

Queens Park Rangers vs West Bromwich Albion

Dom: 2-1
Amazingly ALL of QPR’s 14 league points thus far have been secured at Loftus Road, a tally that should be increased against an inconsistent Baggies team. The talismanic Charlie Austin has a niggle, but I expect him to recover and nab another brace.

KW: 2-0
With Bobby Zamora leading the line, the Hoops should have enough to see off West Brom. Rangers may be without Austin due to injury, and with Vargas and others looking dangerous and Joey Barton bossing the midfield will continue their excellent run at the intimidatingly tight Loftus Road ground.

Southampton vs Everton

"Solomon got fired from The Apprentice?... F##k!"
“Solomon got fired from The Apprentice?… F##k!”

Dom: 2-2
The Saints have endured five consecutive defeats in all competitions, slightly negating their exceptional and unexpected start to the campaign, although they do still occupy a top-six berth. Everton are beginning to pick up, albeit not quite at the level of last season. This should have bags of entertainment and a well earned point apiece.

KW: 1-1
Southampton seem to be slipping away from their lofty perch and tumbling towards a more realistic league position. Everton’s solidity and efficiency will keep them comfortably in the top half of the table with Lukaku always a danger to any opposing defence.

Tottenham Hotspur vs Burnley

Dom: 5-2
Spurs finally released the shackles in mid-week, thumping Newcastle United 4-0 to reach the semi-final of the League Cup on Wednesday. Burnley have been much improved in recent outings, but rely heavily on the goal poaching of star youngster Danny Ings. This one will be full of goals and defensive blunders.

KW: 3-1
Despite better results recently, Burnley will struggle to stay in the top division and opposing the top six sides will test their mettle to the full. Spurs, inconsistent as they are, have too much quality on home soil to slip up against the Clarets.

West Ham United vs Leicester City

Dom: 2-2
Big Sam is blessed with an embarrassment of attacking riches now that Andy Carroll has returned from his latest spell on the sidelines. Despite their lackadaisical showing in the last couple of months, my instincts tell me that The Foxes are due a big performance and £7.2m front man Ulloa due a goal or two, so they might just take a point.

KW: 4-0
The Hammers are flying at the moment with Big Sam getting them organised in their new formation. Andy Carroll looks to have come back with a vengeance and can be a nightmare for any defence with his aerial prowess. Leicester are desperate for points and appear to be firmly rooted to the foot of the division. I cannot see them getting anything bar another morale sapping hiding from this game.

Newcastle United vs Sunderland
Sunday, 1.30pm

Janmaat: Returns from suspension for the Toon.
Janmaat: Returns from suspension for the Toon.

Dom: 1-1
Newcastle’s injury list grows by the week, with them now down to a single senior goalkeeper, 21 year old Jak Alnwick, who was terrible against Spurs in mid-week. Sunderland lack inspiration, but have dominated the Tyne-Wear derby in the past few seasons; Darryl Janmaat to score, ex-Mackem Jack Colback to be heckled by away fans throughout and Connor Wickham to head home an 82nd minute equaliser!

KW: 2-2
The Tyne-Wear derby is always hard fought and this will be no different The Geordies look to have a goalkeeping problem through a spate of injuries, though with Sissoko back and looking sharp, they will trouble the Sunderland defence. I just think this has a draw written all over it, with neither side wishing to surrender bragging rights.

Liverpool vs Arsenal
Sunday, 4pm.

Dom: 2-1
Liverpool’s defence was once again exposed in the League victory against Bournemouth, with only the Cherries’ profligacy in front of goal aiding a clean sheet for the Reds. Steven Gerrard’s legs have gone, but his set pieces remain untarnished, and with 5 foot 10 Matthieu Debuchy deputising in central defence Liverpool will exploit the Gunners’ deficient back line.

KW: 2-0
With my heart ruling my head on this prediction, I see Liverpool building on their performance against Bournemouth (and their 52-pass opening goal) and if their dodgy defence, in particular Sakho, can keep a grip on Sanchez then they should just about scrape a home win against the inconsistent Gunners.

Stoke City vs Chelsea
Monday, 8pm.

Dom: 1-3
Chelsea responded well to their first defeat of the season with a routine 2-0 home victory against Hull City last weekend and Capital One Cup success on Tuesday night. The Brittania Stadium is once again beginning to resemble a fortress for The Potters, and although they’ll give a decent account of themselves here Chelsea will slice through them on a few occasions.

KW: 1-0
A forecast more from heart than head. The Potters will always make it difficult for anyone at who visits the Brittania, but if anyone can undo them then it’s Chelsea (much as I hate to admit it!) I’m hoping that my friend Crouchy will manage to give the Blues… the blues.

Let us know your thoughts and stay tuned to Kureen to find out if Dom can finally nab the victory he craves, or either he or Kelvin can defeat DJ Rees’ 11 point tally from week one!

Written by Dom Kureen

As a young rapscallion stranded on an Island, my time is split between writing, performing spoken word, wrestling alligators and delivering uplifting pep talks to hairdressers before they prune me. I meditate and wash daily when possible.

Premier Predictions: Pt.3.

During the previous edition of Premier Predictions, ‘Just Mike’ managed an 8-8 tie with Dom Kureen, with both achieving one exact scoreline and five other correct outcomes.

Mystic Psychic

This time Dom tests his mettle against YouTube royalty ‘The True Geordie’ who uploaded his predictions to the video sharing site. If you enjoy football and don’t mind the occasional cuss word please check out his Youtube channel.

*All matches kick off at 3pm on Saturday unless otherwise stated. 

Burnley vs Southampton

Dom: 1-2
Burnley finally found their Premier League mojo during November, only for a 2-0 defeat at Loftus Road in their previous match to suck them back into the bottom three. A Saints side fresh from a trio of successive defeats to some of the leagues biggest hitters will see a trip to Turf Moor as winnable, but will have to dig deep to earn it.

TG: 1-1

Chelsea vs Hull City

Ben-Arfa: Steve Bruce wishes he'd kept the receipt.
Ben-Arfa: Steve Bruce wishes he’d kept the receipt.

Dom: 4-1
No longer ‘the invincibles’, Chelsea will be keen to return to winning ways after a torrid 2-1 defeat against Newcastle allowed Man City back to within touching distance of the top-flight summit. Hull City can’t buy a win and look void of ideas, they could face a morale sapping afternoon in south London.

TG: 2-0

Crystal Palace vs Stoke City

Dom: 0-1
Two teams who performed well last weekend, it was Stoke who took the headlines with a sensational 3-2 victory against Arsenal, while Palace had to settle for a stalemate at White Hart Lane. In Bojan Krkic, Mark Hughes’ Potters have one of the league’s in form players, expect the little dynamo to shine again.

TG: 1-1

Leicester City vs Manchester City

Hart stopper: Man City custodian has been in superb form this term.
Hart stopper: Man City custodian has been in superb form this term.

Dom: 2-3
The Foxes would love to turn the clock back a couple of months to take a page from their pulsating 5-3 triumph against Man United. The lights have dimmed at the King Power Stadium since then, with a series of lightweight showings leaving them rooted to the foot of the table. City have returned to winning ways both domestically and in Europe; even without Aguero they’ll win by the odd goal in five.

TG: 0-2

Sunderland vs West Ham

Dom: 2-2
Expect free-flowing, direct football at the Stadium of Light, where Sunderland have been frustratingly inconsistent all season. Andy Carroll sent out a warning to the rest of the league with his brace of goals and assist battering Swansea last week. The gargantuan Geordie will revel in the inevitable sour reaction he receives, but the Mackems have enough about them to nick a point against the run of play.

TG: 0-2

West Bromwich Albion vs Aston Villa

Dom: 1-1
A derby of sorts between two mid-table teams should be evenly contested. West Brom are tidy enough without inspiration, whilst Villa rely heavily on the over burdened Christian Benteke – the Belgian’s return seeing them halt a run of nine without a win. He might score again at the Hawthorns, but it will only be a point saver this time.

TG: 0-0

Arsenal vs Newcastle United
Saturday, 17.30

Colo: Newcastle captain should be fit to start at the Emirates.
Colo: Newcastle captain should be fit to start at the Emirates.

Dom: 3-0
Arsenal’s walking wounded are only outnumbered in the top-flight by the Magpies’ extensive casualties, so in essence it may come down to who can adapt the better of the two. Arsenal have been ordinary so far this campaign, but will fancy their chances against a Newcastle team who have a pitiful record at the Emirates in recent seasons.

TG: 1-1

Manchester United vs Liverpool
Sunday, 13.30.

Dom: 2-1
A slightly fortuitous win at St Mary’s on Monday continued United’s upward momentum, with the previously maligned Robin Van Persie at his clinical best for his two goals. Liverpool are lacking inspiration sans the injured Sturridge and erstwhile Suarez. They’ll exhibit plenty of pride at Old Trafford, but it won’t be enough to increase their points tally; Rooney and Mata to shine for the home side.

TG: 1-0

Swansea City vs Tottenham Hotspur
Sunday, 16.00

Dom: 1-2
The Swans suffered at the hands of a resurgent Andy Carroll last weekend, fortunately for them Spurs’ strike force currently carries all of the threat of a moribund chihuahua. In Christian Eriksen the visitors do possess a play maker of high calibre, and in Harry Kane a young striker with hefty upside, the pair will combine to earn Pochettino an invaluable three points.

TG: 2-1

Everton vs Queens Park Rangers
Monday, 20.00

Dom: 2-0
With Charlie Austin absent it’s difficult to see where the goals are going to come from in this hoops side, barring a rare wonder-strike from Niko Kranjcar or scuffed tap-in from Bobby Zamora. Romelu Lukaku has been a shadow of his former self since Everton splashed a club record £28m on the forward in the summer. With that in mind expect a brace from the big Belgian.

TG: 1-0

DJ Rees still leads the way with 11 points, can anyone defeat the prince of predictions? Stay tuned to find out!

Written by Dom Kureen

As a young rapscallion stranded on an Island, my time is split between writing, performing spoken word, wrestling alligators and delivering uplifting pep talks to hairdressers before they prune me. I meditate and wash daily when possible.

Premier League Predictions pt.2

Last weekend’s inaugural edition of Premier League Predictions saw Dom Kureen test his psychic powers against former England beach soccer international DJ Rees. It was the sand lurking sharp shooter who prospered, crushing the host’s modest five points with an outstanding three exact results and two other correct outcomes for 11 points of his own. 

The favoured technique for predicting scores this week
The favoured technique for predicting scores this week

This time it’s the turn of a man some say owns the main cottage for cottage cheese distribution, others say he has a tongue made of wax and oat flapjacks – to those who are closest to him he’s ‘Just Mike’.

*All matches: kick off Tuesday, 19.45 unless stated.

Burnley vs Newcastle United

Dom: 0-0
Two sides whose recent winning runs came to an end last weekend. The Toon’s 1-0 reverse at Upton Park was compounded by a slew of suspensions and injuries – their depleted troops might just have enough to repel Danny Ings and co.

Mike: 2-3
With both teams prone to bouts of substandard defending it should be an open game at Turf Moor. Newcastle in particular have a lot of defenders missing, hopefully forcing them onto the front foot to compensate, although in Danny Ings the Clarets have one of the league’s in-form marksmen.

Leicester City vs Liverpool

Dom: 1-3
Glen Johnson’s last gasp winner against Stoke on Saturday dissipated some of the gloom surrounding the Kop. Leicester’s thrilling defeat in a five goal thriller at QPR was the latest in a string of setbacks, with the Foxes in free-fall. Liverpool to click, Leicester to feel sick.

Mike: 0-0
Liverpool’s late winner at the weekend failed to mask the lack of innovative quality currently afflicting the side. The same shortcomings will be highlighted at The King Power Stadium, with Leicester over compensating for the weekend’s goal fest by ‘parking the bus’.

Manchester United vs Stoke City

RVP: Taking more corners so that he can touch the ball more than 11 times in future matches.
RVP: Will he touch the ball more than 11 times tonight?

Dom: 3-1
United are belatedly showing signs of a pulse, with their much maligned back line and the previously out of form Robin Van Persie impressing during a 4-0 blitz against Hull City at the weekend. Stoke are solid and with Bojan beginning to adapt – the Potters seem set for their standard mid-table finish despite defeat here.

Mike: 2-0
It’s probably too late for Manchester United to mount a serious tilt at the Premier League title, but with their collective fire power Old Trafford should welcome back Champions League action next season. Their resurgent form should be enough to see off stubborn Stoke.

Swansea vs Queens Park Rangers

Dom: 2-1
The Swans have been frustrating in recent weeks, their aesthetically gratifying build up play too often lacking a clinical touch in the final third. The Hoops are in a rich vein of form and with Charlie Austin on fire they’ll run their hosts close.

Mike: 3-1
Swansea’s Liberty Stadium points haul is the main reason why they currently sit pretty in the table. A disappointing 1-1 draw at home against Crystal Palace should be remedied by a comfortable victory against Harry Redknapp’s relegation battlers, although Bobby Zamora and Charlie Austin could prove to be a handful.

Crystal Palace vs Aston Villa
Tuesday, 20.00.

Dom: 1-1
Two teams struggling to rise above the league’s nadir, Palace do at least attempt to do more than simply stifle their opponents (Villa’s trademark under Paul Lambert). Expect this to be last on Wednesday’s Match of The Day running order.

Mike: 2-1
This has lack of quality written all over it, although the return of Christian Benteke will afford Aston Villa supporters some cheer during the festive season. Under Neil Warnock Palace have turned Selhurst Park into a difficult arena for visiting teams, that coupled with Villa’s lack of imagination should ensure that the Eagles take the spoils.

West Bromwich Albion vs West Ham United
Tuesday, 20.00

Dom: 2-1
West Brom’s promising start is in danger of going to waste if their current poor run continues. With Saido Berahino in razor sharp form and Andy Carroll yet to open his seasonal account, the Baggies might just squeak by here.

Mike: 1-2
West Ham have reinvented themselves this season, with an eye-catching counter-attacking style to their play. Since the return of Andy Carroll from injury they’ve admittedly resorted to a more direct approach, but with West Brom unable to muster shots on goal at the moment it’s hard to see them avoiding defeat in front of their patient fans.

Arsenal vs Southampton
Wednesday, 19.45

"Fifa 15 had us both fit for three matches in a row.... fake!"
“Fifa 15 had us both fit for three matches in a row…. fake!”

Dom: 2-0
The Gunners have one of the softest centres among Europe’s elite clubs, lacking leadership and a robust element to their spine. A 3-0 thumping at the hands of Manchester City brought high-flying Saints down to earth at the weekend, expect more of the same at the Emirates.

Mike: 4-4
Two teams slowly finding their place in the league come head to head in North London, with Southampton keen to prove they’ve got the staying power to mount a Champions League charge. Expect goals, cards and controversy during a highly charged contest.

Chelsea vs Tottenham Hotspur
Wednesday, 19.45

Dom: 2-1
A pair of clubs with different lofty aspirations; Chelsea will view anything less than the 2014-15 Premier League crown as anticlimactic, while Spurs know that a top four finish is well within their grasp in this most unpredictable of seasons. The latter’s fragile defence is likely to be exposed at Stamford Bridge, although it will be far from one way traffic.

Mike: 3-0
Jose Mourinho has built a squad with the quality and depth to challenge on all fronts. Tottenham did well to snatch a couple of 2-1 wins against the run of play last month, but will struggle in south London, with Chelsea running out comfortable winners on the night.

Everton vs Hull City
Wednesday, 19.45

Dom: 3-1
Everton gave a decent account of themselves during their 2-1 loss at White Hart Lane on Sunday, and although some of their big hitters are yet to come to the party they should win with something to spare against a Tigers side of diminishing potency and increasing predictability.

Mike: 1-2
Hull started the season with vigour and belief, something that has since been quashed by a combination of half-hearted forward players and unfortunate decisions. Everton remain unconvincing, struggling to juggle Europa League and domestic football, for that reason I’m backing Steve Bruce to return to the Yorkshire with three much needed points.

Sunderland vs Manchester City
Wednesday, 19.45

Aguero - a perfect strike partner for Aguero.
Aguero – a perfect strike partner for Aguero.

Dom: 1-1
The Mackems are a strange bunch, reserving their better performances for elite opposition; evident as they clung on for a goalless draw against Chelsea in their previous match. Man City’s man of the moment, Sergio Aguero, followed his Champions League hat-trick against Bayern with a trio of assists at Southampton, and although he’ll probably net again it will only be enough for a point.

Mike: 2-2
Sunderland will fancy their chances against a City side whose first choice central defensive pair, Vincent Kompany and Eliaquim Mangala, are absent, possibly forcing full-back Bacary Sagna to shift into the middle. A 2-2 draw in this fixture was the catalyst for the Black Cats’ great escape last spring, I wouldn’t be surprised to see a repeat of that scoreline here.

So, do you think we nailed it this time? Can anyone overhaul DJ Rees’ 11 point haul? Let us know your thoughts.

Written by Dom Kureen

As a young rapscallion stranded on an Island, my time is split between writing, performing spoken word, wrestling alligators and delivering uplifting pep talks to hairdressers before they prune me. I meditate and wash daily when possible.